Things I Find Incredibly Awesome(and theres no reason other people shouldn't find them awesome too) [part 1/3]

I value a few things in life: honesty, symettry, and chronological ordering. Thats why, for post 1 of 3, we're starting with the oldest:

Dinosaurs

(Artist Rendering of a Dino-Man Cohabitation)

All hilarious images aside, Dinosaurs are fucking intense. They ruled the earth for over 160 million years. To put that in perspective, human beings haven't even been around 130,000 years (one/thousandth that amount of time), and we certainly haven't been RULING that long. I'm highly confident we'll all be dead before we can even begin to see the dinosaurs' ruling-record on the horizon. Just ask Al Gore, he would love to talk to you.

Types:

For the sake of time, we're only going to focus on the essentials, the big 5*, the ones the Mississippi school system would most likely claim are the only types of Dinosaur. In essence, I agree.

I'm olde-fashioned when it comes to dinosaurs. Number one in my book, the ferocious Tyrannosaurus Rex. Big ass carnivore, huge head, tail and back legs, with little midget arms, T. can tear you serveal new-ones. King Kong was able to exploit this advantage, however, and defeat this mighty giant, whose bones are now on display at the Field Museum. Don't fret; Kong was later defeated by T-Rex's evil cousin, Godzilla, somewhere in Japan.

Next up, the Brontosaurus. I refuse to refer to it as an Apatosaurus. No, I come from a more romantic time period, when Pluto was a planet, and a Brontosaur was a Brontosaur. They are a hard working animal, often used by crane operators at rock quarries, and are rumored to be very fun to slide down.

Stegosaurus, nature's gladiator. Brian the size of a peanut, sweet coat of armor, and the spikiest tail you could ever have the displeasure of getting struck by.

Velociraptors are excellent hunters. They're also super smart, and can quickly adapt. They remind me of the Borg (star trek reference #1). I wouldn't doubt it if they still existed today, biding thier time until they can recapture the Earth. All I know is that I wouldn't want a Raptor on the other side of my door.

Triceratops, the most prestigious of the dinosaur. Best known for thier role as the Jesus horse, the Triceratops gave the Christians a distinct advantage in the Crusades. Thier heads, a natural shield, with spikes able to wipe out an enitire front line of infidels.

*Pterodactyls are not technically dinosaur. Perhaps one day, I will post on Pterosaur, although that is highly unlikely

Extinction:

One of the coolest aspects of the Dinosaurs, bar none, is the mystery surrounding thier extinction. While some believe it to be due to a natural cooling of the Earth, combined with decreasing oxygen levels that killed off the dinosaurs, the non-lame view is that the Earth was struck by a giant asteroid, or possibly tons of comets.

What a way to go.

An object from space collides with Earth, causing an impact that would make Nagasaki look like Kawasaki. Then, fragements from the space rock cause global firestorms. Yes, raining fire.
Next, in a catoclismic "Insult to Injury", the worldwide dust cloud that forms from the impact blocks out the sun for months, causing steep temperature changes and effectively killing off lots of plant life. Those which need lots of food to survive, i.e. our dinosaurs, would easily fall from such a massive reduction in the food supply.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! We can only dream of that shit in the movies. (note to self: rent armageddon, and if thats checked out rent deep impact) One of my top 10 ways to die is in an asteroid collision, (future post) and the dinos have already been there, done that.


Dinosaurs......today? :

Many scientists believe that birds are the modern decendants of dinosaurs. I have mixed feeling on this subject. On the one hand, I want to scream "FUCK THAT!!" at the top of my lungs. (as emphasized with the two exclamation points) On the other hand, take a look at a bird, watch its movements, take a look at its head moving side to side. Tell me that's not dinosauric.

But what about real dinosaurs walking amongst us? We've all seen Jurassic Park. That could not happen. And if it could, We've all seen Jurassic Park TWO. I don't have time to deal with a T-Rex running through my neighborhood, eating up dogs all the live-long day. I just don't.

I say leave the dinosaurs where they belong, thriving in the past. Don't re-create them to be some Zoo feature. They deserve more... Unless, of course, we affix weapons to them, and ride our Dinosaurs into battle, like Jesus did, in the old country.

Cheers, Ya'll, Cheers,
Kevin "Edits Old Posts for Consistency" Walsh