Things I Find Incredibly Awesome(and theres no reason other people shouldn't find them awesome too) [part 2/3]

Next up in the great list is the only one of the three that can (and will) physically manifest itself in my world. Forgive me if the post is too short for your liking, but I have included a personal reflection period where you can just sit by the computer and daydream about the topic, much like earlier Americans did after listening to FDR's fireside chats. The topic, friends, is of course:

SECRET PASSAGEWAYS

Also referred to (by some) as Secret Passages, these ingenious devices have served practical purposes dating back to the time of the Ancient Egyptians. This great people, who broke the backs of thousands of slaves for entire lifetimes to construct the great pyramids, also built secret passageways to protect burial chambers from grave robbers. (Apparently threat of a Curse isn't deterrent enough)

The secret passage, like the triceratop, was a wonderful asset of Christianity. These passageways would lead to secret rooms where religious types could hide/practice faith in a time when Christians were persecuted for their beliefs.

But, dear friends, the number one purpose Secret Passageways have served over the course of time is... ESCAPE. Yes its true, those in power had secret passages in the event of an attack or uproar, usually leading a safe distance outside one's castle or fortress. Makes sense, but then you don't get the chance to ever use it, and I think that's the real crime.


The secret passage is one of those things you envision when planning your dream home. My dream home also has a cascading waterfall that flows from the second story into a lazy-river below. The difference. This dream is attainable. With precise planning and cooperation of an architect and a team of construction workers, this dream can become a reality.

I can finally have a hidden secret corridor leading to a relaxation room above my garage. Or a fireplace that spins out, revealing a slide down to a sub-basement complex/bomb shelter, where my life can continue (quite pleasantly) even in a post-apocalyptic world. Or possibly it will be a narrow, rugged passage to a small, white room where I can store all the memories of my old life. One day, my young children will discover my secret passageway, and it will drive them wild with delight. Even with the secret out, I could still reap the benefits by sharing that excitement with my son (presumably a son, though me writing that almost curses me to having all daughters).

I must suggest, if you intend to build your own home, that you take a look at these guys. They are engineers with a license in Secret Passageways. They have lots of clever (and functional) designs, and are certainly worth the added 20 grand to your building costs.

It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.


I have one thing that I must stress before I leave you to your whimsical reflection period.
NO PERVERTS!
Seriously guys, if you are using a secret passageway to rape women or store kiddy porn, GET THE FUCK OUT. No one wants you here, and all you're gonna do is ruin it for the rest of us.

Now, that being said.....Reflect.


Insincerely yours (truly),

Kevin "Bueller, Ferris" Walsh