Ghetto Secrets
Everyone on the internet is a racist. Everyone who watches Seinfeld is a racist. I think all this racism is happening because we don't know enough about one another. We need to learn about other people's cultures and respect one another as human beings. I've learned a lot about "urban" culture that I'd like to share with you, in hopes that maybe it will bridge that Gap®. Here are my ghetto secrets.
The Chicken Soup Sandwich - This is exactly what it sounds like. Cook up some chicken noodle soup and fork out the contents onto two slices of bread. Its cheap an easy, you can even make it if your electricity has been shut off. Just hold a lighter underneath the can till its your desired temp and enjoy.
Yeah, we've all heard of unemployment, but have you ever heard of Funemployment?
(P.S. Avoid the currency exchange on the 1st and 15th of the month. That's when the checks come.)
Thug Workouts - You don't need some fancy gym membership plan to do these workouts, just a playground with some swings, gazebo or jungle gym. Of course you already have to be ridiculously strong to do most of their moves. I wish there was a better video of this online, like one with them doing sick pullups and bicycle moves on a jungle gym, but god damn google pulled all the decent videos off of youtube. Mother Fuckers.
You can't go through the rough neighborhoods in town without a ghetto pass, unless you're buying drugs. Also, the street has the right to revoke your pass at any time.
(Common Lost his ghetto pass the second he wrote "Peace, Love and Gap®.")
The DL (down low, as in keep it on the) - The "hood" community is extremely homophobicic. There are gay black people, but to maintain their masculinity, they keep the deed on the down low.
Twice Fried French Fries - We all know that cold fries are the worst. They seemingly revert to raw potato texture. Even the microwave can't revive them. If you wake up one day with leftover fries sittin on a table, and that's a big if, just toss a little oil in a pan on low heat and recook those fries to their true deliciousness.
Well, there you have it. Those are some of the best ghetto secrets I could muster for now. I hope that helps you become less of a racist, you racist. Have a safe and happy holiday season, see you in the new year.
Or will I?
Kevin Walsh®
The Chicken Soup Sandwich - This is exactly what it sounds like. Cook up some chicken noodle soup and fork out the contents onto two slices of bread. Its cheap an easy, you can even make it if your electricity has been shut off. Just hold a lighter underneath the can till its your desired temp and enjoy.
Yeah, we've all heard of unemployment, but have you ever heard of Funemployment?
(P.S. Avoid the currency exchange on the 1st and 15th of the month. That's when the checks come.)
Thug Workouts - You don't need some fancy gym membership plan to do these workouts, just a playground with some swings, gazebo or jungle gym. Of course you already have to be ridiculously strong to do most of their moves. I wish there was a better video of this online, like one with them doing sick pullups and bicycle moves on a jungle gym, but god damn google pulled all the decent videos off of youtube. Mother Fuckers.
You can't go through the rough neighborhoods in town without a ghetto pass, unless you're buying drugs. Also, the street has the right to revoke your pass at any time.
(Common Lost his ghetto pass the second he wrote "Peace, Love and Gap®.")
The DL (down low, as in keep it on the) - The "hood" community is extremely homophobicic. There are gay black people, but to maintain their masculinity, they keep the deed on the down low.
Twice Fried French Fries - We all know that cold fries are the worst. They seemingly revert to raw potato texture. Even the microwave can't revive them. If you wake up one day with leftover fries sittin on a table, and that's a big if, just toss a little oil in a pan on low heat and recook those fries to their true deliciousness.
Well, there you have it. Those are some of the best ghetto secrets I could muster for now. I hope that helps you become less of a racist, you racist. Have a safe and happy holiday season, see you in the new year.
Or will I?
Kevin Walsh®
posted by Kevin at 12:13 PM
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